I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
