my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just pee around me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
