Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
FUCK WHALES
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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