shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
