Umm I'm too high to move.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
