As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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