he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm having to shit out rocks
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