The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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