I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
