Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
