I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
