Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
