do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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