i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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