I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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