Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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