i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
