Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
