i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize