i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
