yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize