I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
