the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
