I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
