is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
