I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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