So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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