That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
