Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
