remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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