I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
