I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
