Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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