he thought i was a dude.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
