Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think your dad took our porno
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
