i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
