Cold hands, warm shart.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
