I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
