he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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