did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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