Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
