So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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