2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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