maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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