Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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