Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
