margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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