It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
