the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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