Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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