I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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