May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
