Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
