sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
