He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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