Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
