Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
