This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
