3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
