the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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