If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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