just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
