she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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