I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
