What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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