you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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