You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
