do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
