He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just had sex bonerless
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
