it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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