remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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