He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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