Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
