Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
