I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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