It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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