Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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