First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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