Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize