Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
