I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I touched a dick in church today
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
