I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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