The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
