He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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