I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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