I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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