every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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