I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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