Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
