My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
