I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
