Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
