k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
