first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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